True Shalom Bayis

9 Nissan 5782

“Although fear and love are also among the 613 mitzvot, they are nevertheless described as [mere] wings for other mitzvos, because the goal of love is the service of G‑d resulting from this love.” (Lessons in Tanya, Likutei Amarim, end of Chapter 40)

Just like love and fear of G‑d are only a means to an end, so too all Divine inspiration only serves as a motivation to apply ourselves more thoroughly in our everyday lives.

“Aaron must bring forward his sin-offering bull and atone for himself and for his household [i.e., his wife].” (Vayikra 16:6)

“In order for the Yom Kippur rites to be valid, the high priest must be married, and return directly home to his wife after completing the Yom Kippur rites. The purpose of his attaining high levels of Divine consciousness in the Holy of Holies is in order to apply this inspiration to everyday life. Since women personify our drive to make the world into G‑d’s home, the high priest’s return home to his wife – sharing his Divine inspiration with her, thereby enabling her to develop and expand her own Divine consciousness – is the culmination of the intense spiritual work of the day.” (Daily Wisdom, Lubavitcher Rebbe)

“Cleanse me thoroughly of my wrongdoing, and purify me of my sin.” (Tehillim 51:4)

We have learned above that thorough and complete atonement can only be achieved through applying our rectified behavior in our everyday life, especially in our family life. What is the integral connection between our relationship with G‑d and our relationship with our family?

“The Yom Kippur rites instruct us how to renew our relationship with G‑d. Thus, fostering our own marital harmony is an integral part of fostering our relationship with G‑d. Husbands must encourage their wives’ spiritual development. And we must all strive to harmonize our ‘male’ sides, i.e., our aspiration to spirituality, with our ‘female’ sides, i.e., our aspiration to bring spirituality into our daily lives.” (Daily Wisdom, Lubavitcher Rebbe)

Thus we see that true shalom bayis, family harmony, does not lie in coming to terms with each other’s differences, but encouraging and fostering the harmony of both into one purposeful unit.