Cheshbon Nefesh

1 Iyar 5782

“For their emergence from the latency and concealment of the heart into a state of revelation comes through the faculty of daat, i.e., through a powerful fixation of the mind and an intense concentration—from the depths of the heart, powerfully and frequently—on the blessed Ein Sof, as to how He is our very life and our blessed true Father.” (Lessons in Tanya, Likutei Amarim, middle of Chapter 44)

This powerful and frequent intense concentration must be in a way of daat, understanding; understanding of Hashem’s patronage over the world, and over oneself in particular, as well, as understanding of one’s own shortcomings and the path forward in one’s avodas Hashem.

“Love your fellow as yourself” (Vayikra 19:18)

“Our sages have said: ‘Do not judge your fellow until you have stood in his place’ (Ethics of the Fathers 2:4). Since the only person in whose place you can truly stand is yourself, this means that you are qualified to judge only yourself.

Regarding yourself, you must condemn your moral and spiritual failings, and be critical of your every achievement. Regarding your fellow, however, you must employ a double standard: your love and esteem toward him should be amplified by every positive quality you see in him, and should not to be affected in the least by any seemingly negative things you might observe.” (Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi)

Making a “cheshbon nefesh,” a spiritual account, and acting upon one’s insights is one of the most important labors in a chossid’s avodas Hashem. This must be done in a self-critical and unsparing way, however, it must also be full of love and enthusiasm for continuing on “from strength to strength,” as the Rebbe would often say.

“Lead me, O L‑rd, in Your righteousness, because of my watchful enemies; straighten Your path before me.” (Tehillim 5:9)

Although we each have an in-born energy and desire to go on the right way, we also have a watchful enemy, our yetzer hara. He doesn’t want us to change our life for the better. At best, he wants us to tread in one place, full of self-pity and disillusionment. That is why we pray to G‑d that despite our watchful enemies, He should always be before us, leading us and straightening out His path before our eyes.